Sometimes the temptation to indulge is almost irresistible. At our Questions today the problem of mice in the Lords refreshment areas was raised by Baroness Finlay and both she and the Chairman of Committees, who replied, referred to the “Mice Helpline”.
With a couple of minutes to go I was so very tempted to ask “Since helplines are usually provided for those threatened with discrimination, persecution or simple ill-treatment, can the Lord Chairman clarify the purpose of the “Mice Helpline” – presumably it is not accessible for the mice ?” I thought better of it.
Then, as a refugee from the Commons, an alternative occurred to me “Can the Lord Chairman reassure your Lordships that these rodents are not seeking refuge from the other end of the building?” Again better sense prevailed.
For which I am truly glad, because we then turned to the sacrifices made by troops on our behalf in Afghanistan and other more serious matters.
However, I am willing to wager that Radio 4’s “Today in Parliament” tonight will report the exchanges about mice rather than those about men. Such is our regular fate in the media.
Parliament’s not alone I’ve seen an office with a ‘rodent/health and safety’ phonenumber. Presumably they can’t crawl up walls over 2 metres in height without a risk assessment, training course and proper harnesses and safety netting!
Is wit indulgent?
“And my poor fool is hanged! No No! life!
Why should a dog, a horse, a rat have life,
and thou no breath at all? ”
King Lear, but still not mice! sorry!
Well, the media (and public) thrive on something a bit light and different, which, given the horrors of war, is understandable. I think The Record does a pretty good job, but of course I don’t see what’s on their cutting room floor (unlike, presumably, the mice).
I would have thought the mice in the Lords refreshment areas should surely be distinguishable from the mice at the other end of the building by the superior quality of their fur?
Heh!
There are plenty of proverbs about mice but they are generally not witty. They do generally allude to cats as well, so perhaps one of the catering staff can be persuaded to smuggle in a good mousing cat and leave it over night.
If the cat were seen, there would be instant complaints by any fur allergy freak peers, though my preference would be for cat rather than mouse. Don’t Mice have fur too?!
Yield to temptation; it may not pass your way again. (as seen in a Robert Heinlein book)
As for mice, having some farm-trained cats around would sort that, but I guess they might sharpen their claws on the Woolsack and upset the officials. We had mice move in here when we were away for a while but the cats removed them all within a week.
Another question you could have asked is whether they were PS/2, USB, or wireless mice, and how many buttons they had.
Ahh my Lord takes the Mickey
My Lord the last I heard they were pleading Parliamentary Privilege and denying they stole a crumb.
Many years ago when the nest was first found by the exterminator, the problem was almost solved unfortunately Mr. G.Fawkes was escorted from the premises before finishing his work.
Actually the “Mice Helpline” was setup to help the elderly Lords who are not computer literate. Being a Government IT scheme it is 200 years behind schedule and billions over budget.
And finally,the inquiry into events leading upto the decision of Mr.Blair to go to war with Iraq have been stalled as important documents in evidence were eaten by rodents, remains of which were found in a cabinet.
Remains of the documents or remains of the rodents?
I suspect the problem is that most people, including TV producers and presenters, don’t really understand what happens in the Lords and so put the focus on the trivia. This blog helps to some degree, allowing interaction with a normally low-profile group, and it’s pleasantly non-partisan with the party politics kept at a low level. I know there are complaints about government (including from me) but I have no doubt such complaints will continue even if we get a change in the coming months.
I’d suggest that next time the government messes with the National Curriculum, it could put in a compulsory module on how Parliament works, but that might mean they get called to account by people so it probably won’t happen.
Sally Bercow will no doubt be pleased…
“the problem of mice in the Lords refreshment areas”
aaaah! Computer mice! They’ll soon go away, back down the corridor. No problem. They will find that most peers just don’t want to know.
I was convinced it was a helpline for persecuted mice, probably manned (moused?) by specially trained mice counsellors, you know “don’t eat anything that ‘s coloured blue” or “try to eat your breakfast in the Bishops Bar before THEY arrive at 11.00am” etc.
A classic posting on this topic by that wise old sage Alexander Chancellor..
http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/2010/mar/05/alexander-chancellor-downing-street-receptions
I suspect one has to be ‘of a certain age’ to be so sanguine about rodent infestation.