As has been said before, Peers tend to get a significant amount of post daily. Much of this is about serious issues, and can also include invitations and requests from all over the world. Unfortunately, some of this mail can leave my assistants scratching their heads.
One letter that came into my office today stated:
“I am rating to you on behaves of myself… That is The ART project witch you may found interesting to be a part of. The time history at present and fore ewer.
“The giant merge of a mass popular culture and hi-art exclusive value market: the Hose of Lords art-elite articulations stand.
“The member of Her Majesty Lordship Hose, the noble servant of a time history regiment, the titles to its mean, THE LORDSE are mastering the splendor of a hi-art elite practice.
“To makeweight to all TIME erne tittles the member of the Hose of Lords are life-granted by the inheritance in to the artist of it own will appelation. The Lords are pouting together the art show formed by the creation of the noble masters of all meters.”
Whilst I would be glad to reproduce it all, this letter continues in this manner for 13 pages, a volume of text which other bloggers may object to! Of course, as soon as this letter has been interpreted it will be dealt with immediately.
In conclusion of his request, the writer explains:
“Of course the new art perceptual shift have to be taste before to be presented for the practical usage to He Majesty. Bu the for the time is presses and Grand National Art show wood not to be complete with out THE Artist, then maybe Yore Lordship wood negotiate sach possibilities.”
Any suggestions?
I can only hazard a guess at this individual wanting to put on an art show for the Queen…but who knows.
Hmm.. I find poor grammar a useful ‘filter’ to help manage the level of correspondence, as one can attach a ‘lower priority’ to those messages which aren’t written in comprehensible English. But of course that does unfairly discriminate against people who are dyslexic and therefore may struggle with the tricky English syntax. But one has to prioritise somehow.
One suspects that this letter from the individual is not asking for help WITH a work of art or project. It may very well BE the work of art…
Perhaps he is just asking you to display it in a suitably public place for wider consumption ? Are you sure it isn’t from Banksy ? You may have a valuable piece of property on your hands…
Excellent, you’ve received my letter! 🙂
I don’t think spelling is wrong, more like five hundred years too late.
Are you sure this letter isn’t from the Filthistan Trio? Beachcomber’s trio of vaguely Persian see-saw performers had similar problems constructing intelligible sentences. The joke would not be printed today, as it would be considered politically incorrect, or even inciting racial hatred (even though it was very good-humoured), but evidently it is still relevant.